Tonight, in Portland, Oregon, eyes were fixed to televisions everywhere s the Portland Trail Blazers went up against the rival Indiana Pacers. But in A M E R I C A, where Portland is nominally located, on the very edge, closer to Canada than “America Proper,” people afiex their eyes, and their hearts to ANOTHER live event. A television event that brings EVERYONE together. They were watching NBC’s PETER PAN LIVE!
Here is a list of everyone that was watching PETER PAN LIVE:
-Christopher Walken enthusiasts
-People who love musicals
-People who love pirates and hate children, and root for pirates to kill children
-People who love British children
-People who are taken away into a land of fantasy and wonder by sets that look more than a little like they were repainted flats from a soap opera.
-People who love wire flying
-People who are ESPECIALLY into the musical theater person nailing every note they sing while the lead is a littttttttle flat over the court of the entire production
Now, I am ALL OF THESE THINGS*, so I have been looking forward to this night pretty much since the second they said that NBA would be doing live televised musicals every year. I played Leonardo Da Vinci in a musical once. I love musicals. If there was a different live musical on TV every night, I would ditch sports altogether and just watch musicals every night. I would be a fixture on TV Musicals Twitter, and write for all the big TV Musicals blog.
But, HO HUM, I am also a “Basketball Blogger” which mens I have to go through the DREARY AND DEPRESSING AND EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY, SPIRITUALLY AND SEXUALLY DRAINING PROCESS OF RECAPPING GAMES FOR THE “Protlend Rundbells Shotiee” or whatever this thing is called. But I REFUSE TO miss the musical. THERE IS ONLY ONE A YEAR.
SO, for tonight’s recap, I watched the musical and flipped over to the game during commercials. I also red a stats sheet afterwards. But mostly, I watched the musical and recapped that. So, ENJOY!
Peter Pan starts at eight and the Blazer game starts at seven, so I can watch the beginning of the game, I guess. Pan doesn’t ever stray far from my mind. Batum is playing well at the beginning of the game, which is good. Chris Copeland, the stretch four of note, posts up on Wes Matthews and it works from a “I am bigger than you” place but not really from a “I can do the thing where you turn around and take a shot” thing, whch looks horrible.
What if Mike Rice called Peter Pan? “Alison Williams doesn’t usually play boys, she mostly likes to play a 20-year old woman living and loving in Brooklyn, but you can see, she’ll put on a tunic and play a magical boy from time to time.” LMA is missing a lot of shots. (He will eventually miss fourteen and make seven and score 18 points.) David West sails a post entry pass out of bounds. Both offenses are totally locked up, 14-16 to end the quarter. At least there haven’t been any fouls. When does Pan start?
The Blimp fell down on everyone.
They drug it through the entrance.
Then, presumably they drug it through the concourse. The blimp was probably excited, because she just floats around the bowl then goes into her little hutch above everything. I watched her float up there once, and I watched a little tiny man pull her into her home. I hope she got some concessions.
God that first quarter was terrible. There was no scoring, no singing, no dancing. Christopher Walken was no where in sight. Okay, Steve Blake is a LITTLE Walken-y, but he isn’t diffuse enough by a mile. Joel Freeland is a British boy, but he’s not even a little androgynous. I mean, that’s fine for him, I hope he adapts whatever gender role he feel comfortable with, but as far as keeping myself sated while I wait for Pan to start.
Wes makes a good shot to make it 24-20. Joel Freeland runs the floor and gets a layup on the fast break. He jumps a little, but it’s not flight, he wasn’t on wires of anything. What if basketball players played with wires?
That would be pretty cool, if not exactly a “Test of athleticism and skill” that would qualify it as sports. Whatever, maybe it’s time for post-sports, like Stadium Wire Flight. The Portland String Jets.
Alan Crabbe cuts back door and catches a pocket pass from Batum, he throws it down for a dunk. It was a good play. The Blazers are catching up. If they open up a lead vein I can probably REALLY ignore this game and fully invest in PPL like my heart is crying out for me to do. Then the Pacers start to close the gaps. What if basketball WASN’T a game of runs, and team just heaped on lead after lead after lead until the other team was completely submitted and left the building in tears? Batum is playing well, for the first time in a while. He is clearly the Peter Pan of this group, because his eyes are so pretty.
Lillard makes a shot behind a Lopez screen AND IT’S EIGHT OCLOCK, BABY TIME FOR PAN.
The guy who played Von Trapp’s capitulating friend in last year’s Sound of Music production is back as the father guy. He is mad at a dog, who is an INSANELY GOOD DOG, he is big and fluffy dog. He is mad at the dog because it represents a threat to order. Is the dog possibly possessed by the spirit of Pan, a youthful anarchist if there ever was one? Even if it isn’t explicitly revealed, is it the true subtext of the work?
Is Alison’s hair too short? I think a modern Pan need long hair, like a hippie. Twitter begins to indicate that I am missing a fight in the Blazer game. Apparently Robin Lopez looks pretty furious, all stringy rage. Hey, now that I am thinking about it, Robin Lopez, that’s a good Peter Pan haircut. He lives in nature, a wildman cut. I have flipped over during the commercial, which features Sabrina the Teenage Witch shilling for Wal-Mart, which is a bad company that treats people poorly. I see that West has received a technical foul for the altercation. Lillard misses the tech free throw which, and I know this is crazy, but I really FELT like he was going to miss that free throw. It was probably a silly assumption, based on the GIGANTIC SWARTH OF TIME before the shot placing massive hooks on Dame’s shoulders. The Blazers go on a run after the tech, then Peter Pan realizes that he left Tinkerbell in a drawer. Tinkerbell is mad at Wendy because she is trying to get fresh with Peter. It was sort of like Rolo getting mad at David West.
Then, Peter Pan says “Come to Never-never land, so you can be our mom.” And Wendy, who is clearly into this guy is all “Okay, sure,” which, girl, you need to get your shit in order if you’re looking for a lover who will value you.” Okay so they start flying and you can see the wires, but this is THE POINT OF DOING A FILMED STAGE VERSION, THE WIRES ARE PART OF THE CHARM, and I go back to the Blazer game for a little bit. The Pacers are keeping Pace, and David West shoots a floater in the lane. It seems like the teams are getting hard as hell points, the Blazers aren’t making threes, the whole enterprise is stuck in mud. IF, Peter Pan arrived, he would give them fairy dust and they might fly, except that these are adults and they don’t have enough good thoughts to fly. When you grow up, you seem your mind is invaded by an army of garbage and it weighs on you until you’re dead. Even if you become a PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE, every boy’s dream, the joy is stripped away from the whole enterprise of sport and you see it for the cynical businesses it is as it puts you on the road for decade and takes away your knees in exchange for mere money.
Back to Pan. Christopher Walken is playing Captain Hook. I wish no one had told me so I could have squealed with delight at the reveal. He is somehow simultaneously turned down to 3 and turned up to 50. Like, in the dancing scenes, he is definitely barely trying but barely trying with AN INSANE AMOUNT OF FLAIR, af if possessed by his own spirit.
Is Captain Hook also kind of a lost boy? He’s in this world, too. When did he age? Was he once Peter Pan? Hearing that Batum made a very improbable shot. I will watch it later. There is a taped live musical on.
Commercial Break, back to game. Portland has opened up a lead. Aldridge and Hibbert share a laugh. Hibbert drills two hooks shots. Aldridge isolates against Hibbert, maneuvers around him which. Wes rolls his ankle underneath Hibbert, who falls on his leg. Hibbert gets t’d up, and Lillard makes it. Lillard is shooting .500 on tech shots that I have watched.
Oh, police are gathering inside the concourse with riot gear on, because protesters have gathered outside the building. You see, a bunch of police officers have been killing black men for no reason for years and years and years, but recent non-indictments in the deaths of Michael Brown and Eric Garner have stoked people’s anger, so they are taking to the streets to voice their active displeasure with the police in America. This is good, protesting injustice is good. Of course, getting to the Rose Garden from Downtown Portland is really easy, Waterfront Park to the walking bridge up the path across the street. They are not letting people exit outside the main entrance where protesters are gathered. Police are wearing riot gear. Here is a picture of cops getting concessions, probably in the same booth the blimp ate at:
Wendy: “I’ll be your mother, as long as Peter is your father!”
Peter: (Puts on a top hat) “As long as it’s only pretend!”
Wendy needs to get this situation under control, her situation, I mean. This is sad.
Hook gets SO MAD that Wendy has become their mother. Doesn’t he realize that this will clearly defang the the lost boys?
Back to the game. Low scoring, Blazers up six with 23 seconds left. Foul game going on. Police staffing protests against the police is dumb. Maybe not THAT dumb because they are sort of the city’s security guards. But they probably don’t need riot gear to be security guards. Or guns, for that matter. They probably want protests to escalate.
Wendy is trying to educate the Lost Boys. It totally doesn’t work. Sort of like when a well meaning society tries to educate a police officers to be more sensitive and objective, but not really, because this is a cute play and that is real, actual problem.
The Blazers shot 19% from three. I didn’t REALLY watch the game, but that probably accounts for why they were so close with the Pacers. Part of that is that the Pacers LIVE to challenge three pointers. Now that George is out, and their offense is terrible (“I get the feeling you want to be something to me, but it’s not a mother….” “Oh it’s not for a lady to tell!” God, take some initiative, Wendy.) …and that, along with rim protection, is the only they they ARE good at this year. Part of that is also shitty luck.
Anyway, I am going to watch the rest of this musical now.
*alright, I only watched “Girls” once.