MAVERICKS 103 – TRAIL BLAZERS 98: MAMA’S GUN

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Is it better to die alone of natural causes after a life filled with disappointment, or lose by 30, or live a wonderful live and be struck down with all of Earth by a meteor strike extinction event, or lose by 5 in Dallas? The simple answer of course is that it doesn’t matter, because they all end the same way, and Vince Carter is still there, victorious (I’m not in a good enough mood to drop a Vince-torious pun) and smiling an evil smile.

But I don’t want to talk about the end, or the beginning either for that matter, which was far, FAR worse than the end. So let’s just talk quickly about the good stuff that happened in the middle and then go on living life with whatever gusto we still cling to because it’s Friday night and we should be having fun and enjoying ourselves, and dwelling on basketball right now is only a path to cosmic despair.

Thomas Robinson! When the Blazers were down by 4,107 points in the first half (all stats courtesy of Synergy Sports) and Jose Calderon was drinking the Portland backcourt through a straw – probably one of those curly straws in a fun shape like an elephant or something because Calderon seems like a guy who has weird straws just to be an asshole – it was Robinson who discovered fire and then used his stone age technology to destroy the thriving civilization that Rick Carlisle’s team had built. Watching the ascent from “Wow, Thomas Robinson looks good. Too bad playing well in this game is like Kevin Costner nobly pretending to be an actual postman for a fictional country as the world lies in post-apocalyptic ruin.” to “OH MY GOD KEVIN COSTNER IS A GENIUS DELIVER ENOUGH MAIL ON BEHALF OF A FICTIONAL COUNTRY AND THAT FICTIONAL COUNTRY CEASES TO BE FICTIONAL.” was absolutely the most enjoyable part of this game.

 

Other things I enjoyed:

–       Being reminded of how amazing LaMarcus Aldridge is to watch when that jumper finds its proper calibration.

–       Wes Matthews playing like his body was inhabited by Thomas Robinson.

–       Nicolas Batum hitting a few big shots, like he always seems to do.

–       Thomas Robinson again.

 

Things I did not enjoy:

–       That basketball and Monta Ellis can directly lead to me opening this post with a question of whether an extinction event might be a preferable option.

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