[Corbin walks into the classroom. He is wearing a leather jacket, a Black Flag t-shirt, sunglasses, generic basketball shoes, and a pair of button up blue jeans that perfectly frame his tremendous butt. He is smoking a cigarette. He looks at everyone.]
“The beginning of the season seems like a looooong time ago, doesn’t it?”
[He takes a massive drag off the cigarette and exhales. It is a menthol. He looks at the butt for a second, bringing his words altogether. He throws the butt across the room. He yells.]
“They tried to tell you! They said, ‘The Blazers are outperforming their point differential!’ And you didn’t believe them! ‘They can’t keep winning these close games!’ And you just replied with some MUMBO JUMBO about MAGIC and DAMIAN LILLARD FAIRIES! Well, where were the fairies when Houston and Dallas and the Los [pause for effect] Angeles [pause for more effect] Lakers, a team full of loveable and terrible misfits, kept it close at the end? ‘Aldridge is taking too many long twos and it’s not sustainable!’ You called them haters! ‘There are disturbing trends in the underlying numbers!’ You said “They’re winning, who cares, nerds!’ and threw them in their lockers! They said, ‘The defense isn’t good!’ and you — you animals! — you took to the airwaves and you said ‘The defense is good when it matters!’”
“Don’t you see! A good defense ALWAYS MATTERS! That team WE watched out there tonight — and it was a WE, don’t act like you weren’t there — were they “defending when it mattered” when they let the GODDAMN MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES shoot FIFTY-SIX FUCKING PERCENT from the field and FIFTY PERCENT from three?”
[Corbin stops. He has become too angry. He takes the chair in the front of the room, turns it around and sits in it.]
“Guys, the Blazers DESERVED to lose this game. The Blazers could have shot 70% from the field and held Memphis to 25 points and they still would have deserved to lose a game in which this happened.” (Via @HPbasketball)
“Zach Randolph beat them down the floor in transition. In certain And-1 leagues that is AN INSTANT SHUT IT DOWN. If there was ANY JUSTICE in this world, an airhorn would have sounded the second ol’ ‘Basketball Prince Fielder’ beat EVERY BLAZER in transition and everyone would have politely clapped and exited the arena on the occasion of a Memphis Grizzlies victory!
“Aldridge. [Corbin sits for a second, his voice weary.] Look, what is there to say? The man was an absolute tire fire tonight. Bricked jumper after bricked jumper, missing on post ups, not converting when he got fouled. 19 points on 23 shots. Is he a good, even great player? Sure, absolutely. But would it kill him to pass out of the post when he’s single covered, just once? There’s NO WAY he can step back and take a three here and there? We’re TOTALLY SURE these long twos are the best thing that can happen at the end of a possession?
[Corbin stands up, knocks the chair over, pulls a pocket knife out of his pocket and saws the chair leg off. Then he takes the leg and pounds it on the wall until it breaks.]
“I’m too angry! Look, it wasn’t ALL bad! Damian Lillard has 32 points on 21 shots! He took 13 foul shots and got fouled on a three attempt by Tony Allen TWICE! That’s great! That’s good to see!
“Marc Gasol, that beautiful bastard. I’D HATE HIM IF I DIDN’T LOVE HIM SO MUCH. 19, 9, and 7! Seven assists? Did the Blazers just totally forget that he likes to feed cutters at the rim? Did they listen to people fawn over Noah all week and forget that, hey, he’s not the only player who can do that?
“Courtney Lee had two open corner three attempts on consecutive possessions. I know he plays shooting guard on the Grizzlies, but that doesn’t mean he’s automatically Tony Allen, Wes! There was a Nick Calathes to Kosta Koufos alley oop in the second quarter. You can’t even imagine it, even though you saw it. Mo WIlliams got injured. We’ll see what happens there.”
[Corbin knocks a desk in the front row over.]
“They deserve this. We deserve this. This is what happens when you sacrifice your children at the altar of offense.”