GAME 6, TRAIL BLAZERS 99 – ROCKETS 98: DANCING CANDY

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OH DID YOU NOT WATCH THE GAME AND YOU JUST GOT HOME AFTER A LOVELY EVENING AT THE THEATER WITH YOUR LADY AND NOW YOU ARE WONDERING WHY YOUR NEIGHBORS ARE IN YOUR LIVING ROOM AND YOUR COUCH IS ON FIRE AND THEY’RE DANCING AROUND IT NAKED WITH ALL THEIR WES MATTHEWS TATTOOS SHOWING WHILE YOUR CAT LOOKS ON WITH A LOOK OF WILD GLEE LIKE HE HAS CONSUMED ENOUGH CAT NIP TO GO GET A DAMIAN LILLARD CAT TATTOO AKA A CATTOO ON HIS CAT PARTS AND MAYBE BURN DOWN A CAT COUCH TOO YEAH THAT MIGHT BE CAUSE FOR CONCERN WELL SIT DOWN AND I WILL TELL YOU HOW THAT HAPPENED BUT BE EXTRA SEATED DOWN BECAUSE THERE ARE GHOSTS IN THIS STORY AND ALSO BEFORE WE GET INTO IT YOU SHOULD KNOW IT IS PRETTY POWERFUL STUFF FOR BRAIN TO HANDLE SO QUICK QUESTION HAVE YOU EVER DRANK AYAHUASCA WHAT NO YOU HAVE NOT OH WELL OK YOU WILL PROBABLY BE ALRIGHT.

OUR STORY BEGINS IN 1977 WHEN THERE WAS THIS COACH WHO WAS ALSO A DOCTOR OF EDUCATION AND HE WORE A LOT OF AGGRESSIVE PLAID AND HE WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP IN 1977 AND PORTLAND LOVED THAT CHAMPIONSHIP SO MUCH THAT THEY RUSHED THE COURT AND CARRIED PLAYERS OFF AND RETIRED THEIR NUMBERS LIKE ALL OF THEIR NUMBERS EVEN THE DUDE WHO FIXED BILL WALTON’S BIKE ONE TIME HE GOT HIS NUMBER RETIRED TOO FOR REAL THERE IS A BANNER UP THERE THAT SAYS #GUYWHOFIXEDWALTONSBIKETHATONETIMEREMEMBERMENONOTTHATDUDETHEOTHERDUDEWHOFIXEDHISBIKETHEOTHERTIME SO NO ONE CAN EVER WEAR THAT JERSEY AGAIN UNLESS HE GIVES HIS PERMISSION BUT ANYWAY YEAH THE CITY LOVED THAT TEAM SO MUCH THAT THE LOVE WAS REALLY DEEP AND KINDA PSYCHO AND LASTED FOR OVER 30 YEARS AFTERWARDS EVEN WHEN THE TEAM WAS NOT VERY GOOD BUT THEN A COUPLE DAYS AGO THAT COACH WHOSE NAME WAS DOCTOR JACK RAMSEY DIED AND HIS DEATH WAS SAD FOR THE NORMAL REASONS OF SADNESS WHEN SOMEONE DIES EVEN AFTER A LONG LIFE WELL LIVED BUT IT WAS ALSO SAD TO A LESSER DEGREE BECAUSE HIS DEATH REPRESENTS A KIND OF DISCONNECTION WITH THAT CHAMPIONSHIP HERITAGE ESPECIALLY AS THE TEAM HAS BEEN CHRONICALLY DISAPPOINTING PRETTY MUCH EVER SINCE THAT CHAMPIONSHIP AND HAS FAILED TO WIN A PLAYOFF SERIES SINCE 2000 AND IN 2000 THEY WERE ON THE DOORSTEP OF THE NBA FINALS AND A CERTAIN CHAMPIONSHIP BECAUSE THE EASTERN CONFERENCE WAS MADE OUT OF PAPER MACHE AND POPSICLE STICKS BUT THEN OH SORRY THAT IS ALL THE SPACE WE HAVE IN THIS PARAGRAPH SO YEAH THERE IS SOME HEAVY CONTEXT HERE.

THE BEST BLAZERS MOMENT SINCE 2000 AND TBH I THINK IT WAS THE BEST MOMENT IN MY LIFE CAME IN 2011 WHEN BRANDON ROY WAS GIFTED BY WHATEVER HIGHER POWER YOU CHOOSE TO BELIEVE IN FYI FOR ME THAT POWER IS CALLED RASHEED WALLACE BUT YEAH WHOEVER YOU CALL THE ALMIGHTY GIFTED BRANDON ROY ONE LAST MOMENT OF YOUTH IN GAME 4 AGAINST DALLAS AND HOLY SHIT THE BEST BLAZERS MOMENT I CAN REMEMBER WAS GAME 4 OF A SERIES THE BLAZERS LOST DO YOU REALIZE HOW BLEAK IT IS TO BE A BLAZERS FAN YOU STRAW MAN WHO SKIPPED GAME 6 TO TAKE TO THE THEATER WITH YOUR LADY AND LEFT YOUR CAT AT HOME TO GET ALL PYROTECHNIC AND WEIRD WITH YOUR NAKED NEIGHBORS AND THEIR WES MATTHEWS INK SORRY I WILL TRY NOT TO JUDGE BUT YEAH THAT BRANDON ROY GAME 4 WAS SPECIAL BECAUSE OF WHAT IT MEANT FOR ROY AND WHAT ROY MEANT FOR PORTLAND AND LOOK THE PROMISE OF THE FUTURE BY THAT POINT WAS DEAD THE BLAZERS WERE NOT GOING TO WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP AND ROY’S CAREER WAS PRETTY MUCH OVER WE KNEW THAT BUT EVEN IF THE TEAM COULD NOT ACHIEVE GREATNESS AND ROY BECAME A TRAGEDY AND WOULD NEVER REACH OR SUSTAIN AT THE LEVEL OF HIS CONTEMPORARIES HE STILL DESERVED A MOMENT OF IMMORTALITY AND AS MAGICAL AND TOUCHING AND END OF FIELD OF DREAMSY TEAR INDUCING AS THAT MOMENT WAS IT WAS ONLY A PERSONAL REDEMPTION FOR BRANDON AND MAYBE FOR US TOO BUT MEANWHILE THE TEAM WAS STILL NOT IN A GREAT PLACE AND VERY MUCH IN NEED OF ITS OWN BROADER REDEMPTION.

ON FRIDAY MAY THE SECOND IN THE MOLA RAM CENTER WHERE BEATING HEARTS ARE RIPPED OUT AND SACRIFICED TO MYSTERIOUS GODS THE BLAZERS FOUND THEMSELVES DOWN BY TWO WITH .9 SECONDS LEFT AND SURE YOU MIGHT BE ASKING HOW EVERYTHING HAPPENED IN THE PRIOR 47 SOME ODD MINUTES TO GET THEM THERE BUT FIND THAT PLAY-BY-PLAY SHIT ELSEWHERE I AM TALKING ABOUT FEELINGS HERE SO WITH THE BLAZERS DOWN 2 AND NICOLAS BATUM INBOUNDING ON THE SIDE IN FRONT OF THE ROCKETS BENCH AFTER A TIMEOUT THE REST OF HIS TEAMMATES WERE MOSTLY CLUMPED OVER ON THE OPPOSITE WING WHERE DAMIAN LILLARD CAME OUT TO THE THREE POINT LINE AROUND A DOUBLE SCREEN AND MAYBE WAS AIDED BY SOME DEFENSIVE CONFUSION BETWEEN PATRICK BEVERLEY AND CHANDLER PARSONS BUT THEN AS LILLARD CAME ACROSS THE TOP OF THE ARC TOWARDS THE INBOUNDS IT LOOKED LIKE HE HAD SOME SPACE AND THEN THE PASS FOUND HIM RIGHT THERE DEEP ON THE LEFT WING AND HE ROSE OVER A DESPERATELY STRETCHED PARSONS AND THE BALL LEFT HIS HAND AND IT HUNG IN THE AIR AND ALL OF A SUDDEN IT FELT LIKE IT HAD TO HAPPEN LIKE THIS THAT IT COULD NOT HAVE JUST BEEN LIKE A SIMPLE 8 POINT WIN AND ESPECIALLY NOT A SIMPLE 8 POINT WIN ON THE ROAD IT HAD TO HAPPEN HERE IN PORTLAND ON A RIDICULOUS LAST SECOND SHOT IN FRONT OF A PACKED HOUSE THE SAME SPIRITUAL HOUSE THAT HAD ONCE RUSHED THE COURT AND SCALED THE BACKBOARD AND CARRIED OFF BILL WALTON I MEAN REALLY COULD BREAKING THE 14 YEAR DROUGHT AND LIFTING THAT FEELING OF DREAD HAPPEN ANYWHERE ELSE OTHER THAN HERE CMON THIS IS PORTLAND WHERE BASKETBALL FANDOM IS A GENUINELY MYSTICAL EXPERIENCE OF COURSE IT HAPPENED LIKE THIS OF COURSE THE SHOT FELL THROUGH THE NET AND THE PLACE BURST INTO SCREAMING HUGS AND DAMIAN LILLARD GRABBED THE PA MIC AND YELLED RIP CITY TO WHOEVER WAS STILL CONNECTED TO EARTH.

NICOLAS BATUM WALKED OFF WITH A STRANGE CALM ALMOST IMMEDIATELY AFTER PASSING THE BALL TO LILLARD BEFORE THE SHOT EVEN FELL AND AFTER THE GAME HE DESCRIBED WHAT HE SAW AND YO THIS IS A REAL QUOTE NO JOKES HE REALLY SAID THIS AS QUOTED BY THE GOD ERIK GUNDERSON OF THE COLUMBIAN, “DR. JACK, HE PUSH THAT SHOT IN FOR DAMIAN. THANK YOU, DR. JACK.”

YEAH, THANKS DR. JACK.

 

OH MAN GHOSTS AND LAST SECOND SHOTS AND SO MANY FEELINGS AND THIS WAS JUST THE FIRST ROUND YO THE PLAYOFFS ARE FUN LETS DO MORE PLAYOFFS.

  • Anees

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