Sunday afternoon at three o’clock is a terrible time to have a basketball game. It is a time reserved for:
-Cuddlin’ with your lover
-Attending an outdoor performance of a play by Williams Shakespeare
-Day hiking, if you’re an “Active”
-Doing something for your child
All of these activities are relaxing/connecting. Basketball at its best is anxiety inducing. It takes you into a hall of your own perception. It makes you into a horrible golem. You shouldn’t have watched this game, if you did. I only did because the aggressive gnome ESPN sends to people’s houses to beat them up if they don’t do their work still hasn’t been told that we are not TrueHoop affiliated any more. When I was on vacation, they attacked my family in my absence. Do not believe ESPN when they tell you they got rid of the gnomes. They are tormenting human beings, and they are too scared talk on the record about it.
Everyone who went to this game should have been at church.
This was a stand issue win. The Blazers went wire-to-wire, but they didn’t dominate. DeMarcus Cousins didn’t play. I wish he had because he is one of the league’s most charismatic and entertaining players. Also because, as the season goes on, my death wish is getting bigger and bigger and I would have enjoyed watching him grind the Blazers into hummus.
The Blazers lost major ground on their lead twice, when they were fielding an all-bench unit. I don’t like the all-bench unit, because the Blazers’ bench players are not good enough to constitute using one. Throwing the ball into Affly on the post isn’t create space for a shot. Why is Kamandroid doing all this posting up? And why cant he catch a perfectly adequate post entry pass? Who, besides Affly and maybe Geenius if he’s in, (Geenius should play more) playing defense here, exactly? Oscar Meyers: why is he so enigmatic?
Aldro three watch: he took two and made none. Ben McLemore had a new haircut. I hope he is feeling good about his decision. Robintron UNLEASHED a FEROCIOUS post up spin move on Mclemore in the first quarter. I think we have learned that the
The Bow and Arrow is dead. It did not catch on on the bench, so it could not feed. Wesselmeyer is just doing it real quick like. He is struggling to remember. He thought it was his celebration child, but he put it out on the porch and it’s freezing and he is feeling a guilt but it’s not really a child, it’s a celebration, and he should let it go.
Lillardoor pops his wrist at the end of the game. It wasnt even that close.
Derrick Williams slipped past the Blazers in transition four times. I counted. I didn’t count anything else that happened in this game. He did most of his running on the bench only unit, which is comprised of four slow dudes and Affly, who is not fast.
Hey, buddy, you want a Pizza? Stick the pizza in the oven and shove it in yr family’s face. They need to eat and you need to feed the, you are the patriarch. Buy it with money Reject the charity of others. Charity makes you weak and soft, like bread. If you get too much help from a neighbor you will be eaten, by a beast or an enemy.
The Blazers scored 20 points in 6 minutes at the end of the 2nd quarter. It was hard to notice, because that particular point of the game was an insane slog that no one liked. This whole game was a slog. Slawg slog slug. What if basketball were played in eighths instead of quarters? Sixteenths? Two minnutes intervals? One minnute intervals? 48 minnute long intervals, 48 opprotunities for buzzah beaters.
Meyers and LMA went for the same rebound, then they were like “Hey, alright!” because they’re such good friends. Everyone is good friends. We are all good friends.
Darren Collision was also not playing in this game, because he was having hip surgery. I was buying a new bed today and they said you can get hip damage from sleeping on your side. Lopez dribbled five times in transition. He did not go full Horford and just take it to the rim, because he is a coward, a yellow belly, a shame-based man.
This game barely happened. I swear I saw Lopez dribble on the baseline, and they didn’t call it out of bounds. I think even the refs were kinda like “Hey let’s get out of here, so we can enjoy the Sacramento sun.”
I will bet that NBA refs have a lot of opinons about what the best duty-free stores are.
Casspi got flat tired by Wes on the fast break, and they called a clear path foul. I don’t think I have ever seen that before, but it is technically right, I think. Flat tires are no joke, man. I saw one get get his achillies torn when someone flat tired him in middle school. They both work at the Target in Hazel Dell now.
My favorite play of the game was Wes’s Block on McCallum. First, it was totally unnecessary, the Blazers had already won. Second, it was earthy, and woody and floral, like a quince. I would make a mean pie out of about ten of those blocks.